First, I'm brown. Not black. Not African-American. But brown. The color of crayon you get when you mix orange and yellow. Until my skin tone matches the color of my hair, which happens to be black, I shall remain the aforementioned color.
Now, to the main part of this blog. Recently, a friend - I'm not really sure what we are now - informed me that she would not date me - or anyone for that matter - because I was "black." She proceeded to give me the reasons why, basically telling me she likes "'em white and nerdy." I did not ask her out that evening, just made a general statement about being attracted to her around the time I met her and a little while after. Nevertheless, my response to her was something along the lines of "ah...Well, I'm not sure how to respond to that, so this conversation is over." However, my actual response should've been "what the fuck? Are you serious? I honestly didn't expect you to be that backwards." I mean really, like my friend Amanda said to me, "it's not 1864." To choose to go against dating someone because of their skin tone is the most ignorant, ridiculous reasoning in the world. (Second would be one's religious views.) Who gives a fuck about your parents' beliefs? They don't matter in your personal life. If you feel someone could be special to you and treat you the best that you can be treated, you disregard color. (It's not "race"...That term has been used incorrectly for too long and we should cease.") Hell, if you disregard color to be friends with someone, why the hell is trying to pursue a romantic relationship "crossing the line?" It's not just her, though...Being in the south, I've encountered this many times beforehand. It's irritating. I mean, I've dated brown-skinned women, I've dated pale-skinned women...If there were any women of Asian, Latin, or Native American descent that I was attracted to and/or the reverse, I would be interested in pursuing something with them, no problem. If there is an attachment, it's there because of the personality, not one's skin.
Upon encountering another instance of "racism", for lack of a better term, it has reinstalled my fear in asking out women of paler skins. There are women here that come from all over the place, and, in theory, I could ask all of them out, but I'm not a whore. Also, it's likely that I would find one with similar beliefs to my close-to-ex-friend than I would that would be as open as my previous pale-skinned girlfriends. I thank all of them for not being as backwards as the bullshit that I've received and/or heard from many females over the years.
With that being said, I am, indeed, looking for something. Despite this fear of rejection/rejection due to skin tone, I would like to be able to hold someone's hand. I'd like to lay out on the front lawn at chat about anything and everything. I don't want to go out and have sex with anyone and everyone...I actually would enjoy substance. I'd like to share a laugh about intelligent and very silly situations. I'd like cuddle up on my somewhat noisy twin bed and watch a movie, the History Channel, or the news. It's time...I certainly hope I can find someone that isn't ignorant.
...In America.
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7 comments:
Is it possible that the girl in question just isn't attracted to brown-skinned people?
If so, you're making a huge deal of this. Just because she isn't attracted to anyone not her own skin color doesn't necessarily mean she's racist, or "backwards". Believe it or not, there are actually a lot of people that don't really date outside of their own racial profile. Is it because they hate people who aren't like them, or they believe they're inferior somehow? Maybe some, but I can guarantee you not all of them think like that.
You can say they're being shallow by caring about looks too much. However, a huge part of dating is just the general attraction you feel towards someone. And she may just not be attracted to you. And yes, that may partly be based on looks. Most people would be lying if they said they didn't take looks into account when choosing who to date, to some degree at least. Even subconsciously.
I'm not saying this to be mean; I'm just trying to point out something you overlooked.
No, I haven't overlooked that. This is something I've looked into and experienced for years, and this past incident caused me to have something to say. I will comment more in a bit...I have something to do.
All right, back. Now, to say that she's not attracted to those of darker skins, such as myself, has a backwards background. No one is born with this preference. Either it's taught, or it's on the subliminal end. Whether or not she or a pale-skinned guy towards a dark-skinned girl (and the reverse of skin tone) feels this way, the idea has been ingrained in them via parents, family members, and friends in a "racist" sense, even viewing dating outside of one's skin tone as sin. Therefore, no matter which way you look at it, there has been some sort of discriminatory affect on her and other's dating habits, and frankly, it's silly. There are handsome brown-skinned men, and there are the not-so-handsome, but that (superficial) quality should not be determined by their skin tone.
Hmm. I see what you mean, but once again, I don't believe the points you make apply to everyone. Not everyone is raised with those kind of prejudices "ingrained" in them via the people close to them. I for one am one of those people. I was never made to think that anyone with a different skin tone was lesser than me. However, there are certain ethnicities that I have never been attracted to. Yes, there are a lot of backwards people out there, and it's very frustrating when they reject you- as a friend or as a potential boyfriend- based on the color of your skin. But don't cry prejudice just because a certain girl just isn't attracted to you. And if it turns out she really was raised with the mental barriers you write about- forget her.
Well, I am glad that you are not one of those persons. And like I said, it wasn't that she wasn't attracted to me, it was the fact that such a barrier as skin tone came into play. I could care less if she was - and I mentioned in my blog that I did not ask her out - attracted to me. Just to know that myself and others still face this(theoretically) random bullshit in today's world is what caused this frustration. I have enjoyed this discussion with you, Verena, and I hope you look into my blogs more...as well as post your own. :)
when you first told me this story on AIM, I was outraged. and was gonna smack whoever this girl was.
but i'm gonna be honest.
I've re-read this situation, and thought about it... and realized... I think what she meant didn't come out the way she meant it.
Basically what she told you was the equivalent of
"You're not my type."
That really... is what was meant. Since hearing about this story, I have actually had conversations with some of my girlfriends about this very subject. And one friend (who is half "brown") will plainly state that she "doesn't like black guys".
It's not racist. She just isn't sexually attracted to them.
But I will say that your reaction is understandable. If this happened to me... I'd probably be writing this same blog post.
(nods) Thanks for your comment, Stephanie. I guess it all depends on things come across the persons involved.
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