From September 13, 2011

I saw your posts about me on Tumblr for the first time today. Believe me when I say that if I knew that I only had two weeks to revitalize our relationship, I would. If I had seen these posts, what I did would not have happened. I took a lot of my stresses out on you when that really should not have happened. In all honesty, though it couldn't show with that meanness, you were the only thing in this world that kept me sane. I felt like a failure when I lost my election, and you were there. Your arms to hold me and tell me that I should be proud of myself was critical. I did not leave the bounds of our relationship because I thought I had more time to revitalize it. I left because for a small moment, I had to have a substitute. When I told you I was tired of the fighting, I meant it. I did not mean I was going to be unfaithful to you because I was tired of it.
Why is that every time I look at a picture of you, new and old, you become more and more beautiful? I dreamed about playing hide-and-seek with you and your dad recently - I wonder if that was the same time you wanted to play the game on campus. You were beautiful in that dream too.
When you text me, it is the highlight of my day. Although I cannot hear your voice directly, I can imagine it, and it sounds calmer than the moments I heard it this summer. I always will hope that calm in your voice when we were together and happy will return.
I hope you think of me. I hope it's not all bad and how terrible I was to you at points. I hope you think of how I'd hold your hand when you were in pain. How I'd kiss your belly button. How it was just us on Carolina Beach one night.
I miss you. I love you. And one day, with all of my heart, we'll be together again.