From September 15, 2011

Did I abuse you?

Yes.

I mean, I know I never hit you, but I was abusive in an emotional sense at numerous points. I've thought about this a lot, but it's been brought to the surface over the last couple of weeks. In that time, I worked with a couple, Adam and Marissa, that's been doing the job for quite some time. Like you, Marissa was Adam's junior, albeit a few years difference instead. I am uncertain as to how long they were together, but it was quite the dynamic. A rather violent and abusive one. There was not a day, or even sometimes an hour, that they did not fight with each other. Marissa constantly feared Adam being interested in other women, and would hit him if it even seemed like he was looking at another. Adam often would renege on the things he said [he] would do - i.e. stay the night with her - and would tell her to "shut the fuck up." Their big fights made any of ours pale in comparison. There would be lots of screaming, insults, and even bruises on both sides. And, at one point, potential death or serious injury. I know I never reached such a point with you, and of that I am proud. But I know that I was an asshole to you at times. I made you feel like a possession rather than an equal. I criticized your weight and trivial things like your work ethic/approach. I am so sorry I let myself do that to you, especially since I did not apologize every time it occurred. In all reality, I did not and do not care where you are in your weight as that's something I have no control over. I should have been and will be by your side, not over you, supporting whatever decisions you make. I'm not not sure what came over me, but it no longer exists. I am the Dante that was good to you more than he was bad to you all the time. I know that I cannot take you for granted. I love you. And I miss you.