From September 5, 2011

(A word for word transcription:)

Four months. Wow. I'm not sure how many people in this world can discern the worst four months of their lives, but I can. From May 5 to today, I've never been so sad and so frustrated. I've kicked myself everyday for what I did, and have hoped everyday that you would forgive me. I have fought as much as you would let me because what I want is you. When I accompanied you to the doctor and they thought we were married, it made me feel that everything would be all right. Though you may contest it to this day, when we cuddled in my bed later on, it made feel that, one day, things would be all right. I am not trying to get away with what I did - as in I can walk all over you and not experience any pain in return. What I'm trying to do is show that I know I made a terrible mistake, and that I'm remorseful. I only want to hold your hand, and to know that one day, I'll be coming home to you, giving you a hug and a kiss. Not hearing sweetness in your voice the past four months has been torture. It's so comforting, and I miss it dearly. I miss you. I love you. I just want to hold your hand again.