From This Morning

When (and if) I kiss you again, you will be the last person I kiss romantically.

I've been wishing that Saturday would be our 25-month anniversary. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and there would not have been anything better than taking a walk with you. Instead, we did not speak. Instead, I worked. Instead, today makes five months since you left me. I hope you had a great Saturday, though. I always wonder if you think of me on the first. Even if you don't think about me everyday, it would be nice to know if you thought/think of me then.

My thoughts are very scattered right now, perhaps more than ever. I see your funny posts and smile, knowing that I would love for you to share the backstory with me. But I have no idea when that will be again. I'm trying to find work I can enjoy and be proud of, but I wish I had my rock in you to be by my side as I search and struggle. Your support is so important to me, and nothing feels completely right without knowing how you would feel about it. I know I must live my own life in the end even if we are together once more, but I know that I want you to be a major piece of that journey.

I have not given up, and I will not give up. I love you too much to let you leave without ever trying again. What keeps me going are little signs I feel the Universe sends me, aside from my gut feeling. I know that we should be together again, and that no one else will fight for your heart like I have and will. You deserve someone amazing, and I am confident I still am that person. I hope with all of my being that you will allow me to show you.